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Worst to Best: Girl Scout Cookies

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People really love Girl Scout Cookies. But not the same Girl Scout Cookies.

When I confidently dropped this nugget on the local Twitteratti:

I had no idea how many people would reply with very incorrect answers. But there were a lot of you, and I respect you all for being out and proud about your extremely wrong opinions. It takes a ton of courage to not only have a bad idea but to share it with so many people.

So I gathered my coworkers together for a tasting of all the Girl Scout Cookies (or at least all the ones available in Oklahoma City) and had them rank each one and give notes on why.

(For previous Worst-to-Best rankings, click here.)

6-7. (tie) S’Mores

A new addition to the line-up, this campfire classic didn’t make the smoothest transition into cookie form, based on the comments.

Them: “Not a fan. Strange bitter aftertaste and a very chemical taste.” “Tastes like some discounted bull$#!+ from Dollar Tree.” “Too sweet.” Only one person really loved these cookies, ranking them No. 1, saying, “I actually wanted to eat the whole cookie.”

Me: The idea is solid, but the follow-through is flawed. The chocolate-marshmallow in the center tastes too artificial to enjoy many of these.

6-7. (tie) Trefoils

A classic shortbread cookie, this mainstay was deemed dull by most tasters.

Them: “Too simple for me, but they’re good.” “Boring, but also fake tasting.” “I wanted to love this, but it falls flat.” with only one taster ranking it at No. 2 and proclaiming it “Classic!”

Me: I actually enjoy the simplicity. These are great cookies to enjoy with a cup of coffee or tea. A dessert, but not overly sweet or cloying.

5. Savannah Smiles

Another relative newcomer, these powdered sugar lemon cookies couldn’t break away from the bottom of the pack, despite impressing a few tasters.

Them: “Not too sweet, but a bit chalky.” “Good lemon flavor, but too soft texture.” “At least they taste like something.” Though it did receive one first place vote, with the taster saying, “ I love lemon and the cookie flavor is nicely balanced with a zing of lemon.”

Me: Even though we just opened the box, I thought the texture was a bit stale. The flavors are nice, but just not quite enough to overtake the heavy hitters.

4. Tagalongs

There was only one No. 1 vote for Tagalongs and it was me. I love these things. But I didn’t find the same level of sentiment with my coworkers.

Them: “Too sweet.” “Way too sweet.” “.” (Literally, just left blank.) Though one had it crack the top three, saying, “Creamy peanut butter covered in chocolate, like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Classic yum!”

Me: I can’t even look at these people anymore. Tagalongs deserve more respect.

3. Samoas

People either love or hate Samoas. I’ll admit, it took me a while to come around on them, but they’re a firmly established favorite now.

Them: “I was very shocked to rank this one as high as I have. I don’t care for coconut, but all the flavors mingle nicely and the chewiness is pleasantly satisfying.” “The King of them all.” “Coconut. :(“

Me: Texturally, there’s nothing better. The chewiness of the cookie keeps the flavors around longer, meaning more coconut, more chocolate, more caramel.

2. Do-Si-Dos

If you’d asked me if Do-Si-Dos would outrank Tagalongs, I would have slapped you in the face and then waited for the police to arrive, because physical violence is NOT OKAY. The peanut butter cream paired with peanut butter cookies really won over the tasters.

Them: “Good peanut butter-to-cookie ratio.” “Nice crunch and peanut butter flavor, but very, very sweet.” “I almost feel like there’s too much cookie here. The peanut butter flavor gets lost.”

Me: These were my No. 2 and I think they’re wonderful. I want to crumble one up and mix it into a chocolate milkshake.

Winner: Thin Mints

::sigh:: I mean, it’s not a surprise or anything. I love Thin Mints. Most everybody loves Thin Mints. (If you really, really love them, head to Pie Junkie before the month is over to get a slice of their Thin Mint pie, which has a whole box of cookies in every pie.)

Them: “Cool, refreshing and crisp. Nice mouthfeel and chocolatey goodness.” “I ate a whole sleeve of these in a basement once.” “Always superior.”

Me: Where the S’More tasted artificial, the mint in the Thin Mints seems restrained and...subtle isn’t the right word, but it’s just right. Not too much. Not too little. One cookie gets the message across, but doesn’t stop you from wanting to enjoy more cookies.

About the Author

Founder and Eater-in-Chief of I Ate Oklahoma, Greg Elwell has been reviewing restaurants and writing about Oklahoma’s food culture for more than a decade. Where a normal person orders one meal, this guy gets three. He is almost certainly going to die young and those who love him most are fairly ambivalent about it. You can email Greg at greg@iateoklahoma.com.

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